| | ...A myriad of things.
I can go on about how I love my work, and what I do, because let's face it - after today - I am certified awesome. I hope to have a cupcake on my desk at least. In short, after only two weeks of training, I was able to hold my own, and two other people's workloads. So work was good, if not great. :)
Another aspect of love is the platonic/romantic side of it. I'm happy to say that Brian and I working things out between us. I'm glad we're communicating, and rather well, I'd say. And after today, it further strengthens the relationship we have. I have no doubts about what we're doing and are about to do come summer time. I love him and respect him even more, for making that choice.
But I think the third and final thing I wanted to discuss, is the love a mother has for her child. It was Mother's Day yesterday, and to honor that, I will post something I've held off from emailing my mother yesterday, for fear of spoiling the mood. I think I'm finally able to converse with my mom with a mature and sound mind, with a strong idea of who I am as a person, and what I want in life. And though my ideals differ from hers, I understand her completely. Right now the only struggle is for her to come to terms with it. I warn you, it's a very personal excerpt and it's probably shocking that I put this up. But that's how I've always been.
"
Mom,
I know you're upset and deeply disappointed not only
on what we've talked about on the phone, but in how my life has turned
out in general.
I know you've invested a lot in my education in
high school and in college. I'm not the smartest - but I did work hard.
I'm not the ideal daughter you wanted, like Leslie. If that were the
case, we wouldn't be in this situation right now. If anything, you and
I can both be proud that I graduated from a college preparatory school
in at least the above average bracket. And it's because of the
encouragement and confidence that you've been able to instill in me
that have enabled me to get this far.
I'm not going to give any
excuses for college. Some people are made for it and are able to push
through in 4 years. I'm working full-time and attending part time. I
know my first two years in college weren't wonderful at all. I still
apologize for that. If anything, I at least learned that Biology wasn't
for me. It's a mistake I made, and it costed you and Dad dearly. I do
plan on repaying you, financially of course - even if you don't expect
it, and by getting my degree.
As far as also disappointing you
by getting into relationships, I don't know what to say. I can't
apologize, because I believe relationships are part of a learning
experience. They're a part of life. You know that for a fact. You've
had your fair share of suitors, and eventually found Dad. I know that
being married to him and starting a family wasn't the easiest of tasks,
and I commend you for all that you've done for us, and still continue
to do.
I know that sometimes you think back and wonder what life
would be like if you had married someone different, someone who could
take care of you and was more financially secure. I also know that
because of this, you want to make sure I make the right decisions and
that I think and be smart about my relationships. I can assure you I've
dated a fair share of guys, and I know now what I want. I'm not saying
that Brian will be the one I end up with in the long run, but I am very
happy and content with him, and that this has been the longest and most
mature relationship I've ever had (intellectually and emotionally).
Please don't lump him with the other fish in the sea, even if you
probably just see him that way. The fact that he's lasted this long
with me speaks volumes. I usually know after a month if I still want to
date a guy.
I know we don't agree on some aspects of the
relationship, and it doesn't mean that because I disagree with you that
I'm putting Brian before you. I just want you to know and recognize
that while I still am your daughter, I am old enough and have been, to
have my own opinions and ideas. I won't always agree with you on
everything. I will as much as possible, but when it comes to my
feelings Mom, please understand that I've always been an emotional
person, and I will go with my instincts.
That doesn't mean I
don't love you. And in a way, it does make me sad that you measure that
love by how much we obey you. I can't do everything you ask me to, but
I'll try to to the best of my ability. If anything Mom, we could've
turned out worse. At least none of us are doing drugs or ending up in
jail for whatever reason. Majority of teenagers don't even make it this
far. At least I'm still pursuing a higher education, this time with my
own money. If anything Mom, I'm grateful to you and Dad, and I owe my
successes to you both.
I hope you can understand what I've said
thus far. Just because we disagree, doesn't mean I don't love you or
value your opinions any less. I take it to heart and if I can, will
follow through. But I have to be honest with you, and with myself.
Please
don't feel like you've failed in being a parent, because you and I both
know that's not true. Please at least have faith in me and in the
decisions I make.
I love you and Dad very, very much.
Your daughter, always,
Moana
"
And the lesson I learned today - were three very different aspects of love.
P.S.
Listen to Miliyah Kato's "Love is..."
NOW.
|
| | Posted 5/13/2008 1:47 AM - 6 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
