| | So, this entry is going to be slightly different than what I usually blog about, which would be how my day/week/month (depending on the last time I blogged) went. I guess this will be one of those philosophical ones.
Let's talk about relationships. I've been in numerous relationships, about 6-7, depending on whether or not the one internet/long-distance relationship counts. I won't bother going into details with every one of them, but 5 of them have never lasted longer than 2 months. I've ended all of them, mostly for fickle, shallow, but honest reasons. The truth of the matter is, I just didn't know what I wanted then. What I did know for sure was that it wasn't a relationship with them, despite them being awesome and special in their own way. Just not for me.
Now, currently my latest relationship is going smooth. We'll make six months next week Wednesday. It's funny, the way both of us entered the relationship. In the beginning, it was purely for physical reasons, but I wouldn't do that totally unless I was somewhat attracted the person physically (duh) and liked their personality (what I've gained from it thus far). By the second month, I already got the feeling that this could possibly last a long time, and that made me very happy. Because by the second month, I gauge the potential of the relationship, like if this goes on, will I be comfortable introducing him to my parents and could I see myself living with this person for the rest of my life, bearing his kids, etc. etc. All important factors to look at, I believe, if you want to take the relationship seriously. I didn't totally answer yes to all of the above, but I was comfortable with the possibilities. By the third month, I fell in love.
I knew the risks going into the relationship. It started as something fun, but ended up as something serious. I also knew that he would be moving back to his hometown, which is about a 1-2 hour drive away by the end of June. So, I took a risk and put my heart out there, because there's no sense falling in love if you're not willing to give it your all, because that's what love is and requires. Doing everything in your power to make the other person happy, even at your expense. But you think nothing of it, because you want to do it. You want them to be happy. And as long as they're happy, it's enough.
But then there's the question and the possibility of your other half not being able to reciprocate at your level, for various reasons. And of course, there's always the possibility of them being curious and wanting to explore other relationships, to figure out what they want. Or it could be the other less-pleasant truth: they're just not into you anymore, for whatever reason.
As for figuring out what they want, that's understandable. It sucks that you have to break up for that in order for it to happen, but sometimes the end result isn't always bad. And if you do end up getting back together, at least you should know that they know that they want you, so logically, the relationship ends up better than before.
If that's the case for this relationship somewhere down the line, then I'm willing to let him go. It hurts like hell just thinking about it now, but what can I do? That's what love is. If you really love someone, you naturally want what's best for them. That's the beauty and the most painful part of love - how selfless it can require you be.
You can fight to stay together, but if the person's already made up their mind, what more can you do? Fighting for the relationship does have a benefit though: it lets the person know how much you care. And hopefully, that person doesn't take that for granted and will at least remember that.
I know where I stand though. The next 3-4 months will be tough, considering we make it that far, but I'm willing to give it all in order for it to work. I want it to work. But a relationship involves two people, and in order for it to work, both have to compromise. So, we'll see.
I'm losing my line of concentration so I'll end it here. I should've gone to bed 30 minutes ago. XD
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| | Posted 5/7/2008 12:32 AM - 32 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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